Just came back from paying my last respect to the sudden loss. When i was there, my mind was uable to decipher still the way i'm feeling. but everything seems clearer after awhile and i broke down into tears that strolled down endlessly in between uncontrollable sobs.

cos there are simply too many things happening too fast and too many thoughts repressed. it feels as though a piece of me is being shred away slowly. i feel trapped. trapped by sanity. trapped by faith. trapped by love. by my own emotions stirred up in me intensely. it feels as though the four walls are caving in.

i have so many questions to raise. so many why's? so many how's?

and i teared again.

i'm thinking of the things i should have done. the things i shoud have said. of not meeting enough. of not saying iloveyou's enough. of not thinking of her enough. i'm thinking of the people who are still around and wanting to start over cause along the way we lost sight of each other till her passing brought us back together again. i feel terrible that someone had to go in order for us to value each other more. to value our life more.

i feel like crap.

i miss her. alot now.


All the photographs are peeling
and colors turn to gray, he stayed
in his room with memories for days
he faced
an undertow of future's laid to waste
embraced
by the loss of one he could not replace

and there's no reason that she'd passed
and there is no god with a plan, it's sad
and his loneliness is proof, it's sad
he could only love you, it's sad

the door swings through a passing fable
a fate we may delay, we say
holding on, live within our embrace
eleven nights, he laid in bed
hoping that dreams will bring her back
it's sad
and his loneliness is cruel, it's sad
he could only love you, it's sad

holding his last breath, believing
he'll make his way
but she's not forgotten
he's haunted
he's searching for escape

if just one wish could bring her back, it's sent
and his loneliness is proof, it's sad
he will always love you, he said.

::Twenty-Sixth November 2006::
May allah bless her soul and allow us to keep her memories alive and give us peace to let her go. insya'allah. we love you Najiba Bte Karim.

You'll always be in my heart.

:::

will you miss me when i'm gone?